


Bad Choices

by Charlie9646



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst with a unhappy ending, Canon Compliant, Dark, Death Eaters, Friendship, Gay Severus Snape, Hogwarts, M/M, Severus Snape Contemplates his own death, Underage Smoking, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, Vague mentions of canon death of Regulus Black, Young Severus Snape, mentions of drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-16 15:21:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29578122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charlie9646/pseuds/Charlie9646
Summary: Severus Snape made his whole life making bad choices, now it’s time to finally make the right ones, even if it kills him.Or Severus Snape regrets the things he said and those those he didn’t.
Relationships: Regulus Black & Severus Snape, Regulus Black/Severus Snape
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16
Collections: Love Fest 2021





	Bad Choices

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bionically](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bionically/gifts).



> Unbetaed and all the mistakes are mine
> 
> Prompt Severus & Regulus in the Snake Pit
> 
> #LF2021  
> #TeamVenus

Severus Snape sat by the fire in the Slytherin common room with a leather-bound book sitting in his lap. He knew he should try reading it, but the words just ran together on the page becoming meaningless. His mind was somewhere else that was not Hogwarts. His thoughts filled with what he was going to be doing next week, not on the essay that was due on Friday. He would finish it like he always did, but there was a good chance that it would not be something that he could be proud of. The other Slytherins in the room avoided him, he might as well be a fly on the wall for how little they noticed him, but one day that would change, he would make sure of it. Things would finally start going his way after next week. He was sure of it.

Lucius was gone now, having graduated a few years ago. Lily was gone; she had left his life because of  _ his _ actions, even if Potter had spurred them on. But looking back, it was better that way.

However, that didn’t matter now, not one bloody bit. Lily was his past, and the Dark Lord was his future. He was going to be more than just the son of a Muggle factory worker who half the time could not even keep a job for more than six months. He was going to be someone who wasn’t just a footnote in history. He was not going to be like his mum, someone who the magic world had abandoned and left for the wolves to tear apart. Power was not something he could walk away from, and it seemed Lily would never be able to understand that, but she wasn’t like him. She wasn’t like  _ them,  _ she was a Muggleborn, and there was nothing that he could to change that. But he wasn’t like her either he was from an old wizarding family, one he should be proud of. Severus couldn’t decide who was to blame for their differences or even if anyone was. 

The flames of the fire danced before him, twisting into a snake, but then it quickly vanished. 

Merlin, was he losing his mind or maybe he just needed to get some sleep? 

He had not been sleeping enough over the last few weeks. Anytime he shut his eyes his mind wandered to the future and the path that he was taking. To the life that he was going to have, but when he let himself do it? His mind went to his past, to his childhood, to the life he wished he could forget. The memories were now mulled down and forgotten, or so he would claim. The sharpness of his pain had long since scabbed over. But once in a while, the wounds seemed to be torn open. They haunted him and sometimes he just wanted them to stop. To rip them from his mind, to be able to forget them, and become what he was supposed to be. He wanted to take his place among the rest of the Wizarding World. To become something else than what he was now.

The book was still heavy in Severus’ lap, reminding him like a thorn in his side about the promises he had made. Those he wanted to shove aside. Those to his mother that he would not join Voldemort, to Lily that they would always be friends, but then she had been the one to break that one, hadn’t she? 

Next week, however, he would be making different promises to someone else. 

“Sickle for your thoughts?” Regulus asked, sitting down next to him. “Or maybe a galleon if they are worth it.”

“I was thinking about next week,” Severus said in a hushed whisper. He set his book aside and ran his fingers through his knots of stringy hair. “And what’s going to happen.”

“Hasn’t Lucius told you about it already? He told me about it over Christmas break. It’s not going to be pleasant, but it will be over rather quickly. By the way, why weren’t you at the party?”

“No,” he snapped. “He hasn’t told me about it. No one has told me bloody anything! I wasn’t at that party because I was busy.”

Avery leaned down his elbows resting on the back of the sofa and laughed, “busy dealing with his blood traitor mother and his drunken father. Isn’t that the case, Snape?”

Severus turned to face the intruder, “Better than my parents being second cousins like yours are!”

“Say that again!” Avery hissed, holding out his wand as he did. “I dare you!”

“Avery, leave us be, now,” Regulus said, much calmer than either of them. Then softer he added under his breath, “You know what the Dark Lord has said, those like Snape are allowed so long as they _ appreciate  _ their Magical heritage more.”

“Piss off, Black, we all know you two are fucking, so stop trying to hide it. That’s why you follow him around like a lost puppy. That’s the only reason he’s going to be allowed to take the mark.” 

Severus felt the tips of his ears turning hot. It wasn’t true, not one bloody bit of it, but it was in a way. He could not dare admit it because if he did, it would make it true. He liked Regulus Black, no that wasn’t right… He loved Regulus. In another life, in another world, he might tell him that, but they did not live in that world; they lived in this one. 

Regulus knotted their fingers together, clenching them together tightly. He leaned over and pressed his lips to Severus’ ear. “Ignore him, Sev. He’s just jealous because the Dark Lord wants to give you his mark and doesn’t want to give him it. He’s a fool, and you will show him. I just know it.”

Severus’ body clenched and his muscles were tightened down. He didn’t like being close to people, but this was Regulus and this was due to a very different reason. He could smell his friend. The man he wished was his lover. He smelled like: musk, cedar, and smoke. Surely the latter was from his bad habit of smoking from Muggle cigarettes, a habit that he had picked up from his disowned brother years ago.

“I hope you're right.”

Regulus smiled at him with his ever-present crooked grin and said, “of course I am. You just have to wait and see.”   
  


*****************************************

Severus Snape was grown now, an old man by the standards of Cokeworth, at least those from the time it had residents, but in the Wizarding World, which mattered most? He was young. Too young to be thinking about his death and yet he was doing just that. The fire danced in front of him. This time it turned into the snake and skull, the same one that marred his arm. The dark mark, his greatest folly and the worst choice he had ever made. The one in the flames disappeared after a moment, though he could still feel it, but then he always did. The weight of the decisions were crushing him, and very soon, they would be the things that would kill him. 

A lifetime ago, he had done all the wrong things. He had made all the wrong choices. And he never did tell the person he loved how he felt, Regulus. His friend was dead, and it seemed he would never get to know what happened to the man, which side had been the one to kill him. Neither of them would claim it. He was going to drink himself into oblivion, or maybe just until he could sleep. 

After all, he had to die at the  _ right _ time and not the wrong one for the boy-who-lived and the rest of the Wizarding World. Merlin, he wanted a cigarette. 


End file.
